Gniew reakcją na depresję małżonka

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Jedni ludzie na niepowodzenia i frustracje reagują żalem, inni gniewem, a większości osób towarzyszą oba te odczucia. Granica między żalem a gniewem jest przy tym często nieostra. Czasami oba odczucia przenikają się wzajemnie albo występują na przemian. "Wieczorami, gdy leżę sam w łóżku, ogarnia mnie gniew i zaraz po tym czuję, jak łzy ciekną mi po policzkach".


Osoby bliskie choremu często zadają sobie pytania: "Dlaczego musiało się to przydarzyć akurat jej/jemu?", "Dlaczego ja?", "Dlaczego my?".

 

Psychologowie ustalili, że nasz gniew w 70 procentach nie dociera do osoby, w której stronę jest skierowany. Być może dotyczy to również Ciebie i także Ty wyładowujesz swoją złość na kimś innym - np. na lekarzu pierwszego kontaktu, oskarżając go o to, że zbyt późno rozpoznał u Twego bliskiego depresję, że nie skierował go na terapię w odpowiednim czasie, nie przepisał właściwych lekarstw itd. Może się też zdarzyć, że Twój gniew obróci się przeciwko członkom Twojej własnej rodziny, od których oczekujesz teraz więcej wsparcia i zrozumienia.


"Gdy moja szwagierka miała raka piersi, byłam przy niej i przy jej mężu, a teraz ona i mój brat prawie w ogóle się do nas nie odzywają".

 

W każdej intymnej relacji obok uczucia miłości jest także uczucie gniewu. Tylko tam, gdzie dwie osoby są wobec siebie całkowicie obojętne, nie występują te dwa podstawowe uczucia.  Jest więc rzeczą naturalną, że doświadczasz także uczucia gniewu w stosunku do Twego depresyjnego bliskiego. Pojawiało się ono już wtedy, kiedy nie było jeszcze mowy o depresji. Teraz jednak jest to gniew innego rodzaju. Wcześniej dotyczył jakiegoś konkretnego zachowania lub cechy charakteru. Teraz czasami masz dość całego człowieka, gdyż wygląda na całkowicie zmienionego. "Zupełnie go nie poznaję".

 

Partner chorej kobiety wyznaje: Mogłem tylko w poczuciu bezsilności patrzeć, jak powoli, ale nieubłaganie pogrążała się w depresji. Nic do niej nie docierało. Wyglądała jak zombie. Nie reagowała zupełnie na nic i to było dla mnie najgorsze - dużo gorsze niż to, że nie kochaliśmy się fizycznie, że nie mogłem nawet wyciągnąć palca w jej stronę, gdyż wpadała wtedy we wściekłość. To było jeszcze do zniesienia, ale bolesne było dla mnie to, że straciłem kolegów. Niekiedy było już tego dla mnie za wiele. Siadałem wtedy na sofie i łzy spływały mi po twarzy. Nie wiedziałem, jak długo to jeszcze będzie trwało; każdy dzień wydaje się wiecznością, gdy trzeba go spędzać w taki sposób. Pewnego razu byłem tak strasznie wściekły na jakąś niesprawiedliwość, która spotkała mnie z jej strony, że gołymi rękami zdarłem ze ściany płytki, które położyłem kilka miesięcy wcześniej. Ręce mi krwawiły, ale przyniosło mi to ulgę (Anonim, 2005).

 

Może sądzisz, że gniew Ci nie przystoi. Zwłaszcza kobiety często mają duże trudności z zaakceptowaniem u siebie tego uczucia. Ale jest to zupełnie normalne, że od czasu do czasu wpadasz w gniew: na Twego bliskiego i na los, który Cię spotkał. Za każdym uczuciem kryje się jakieś przesłanie lub jakieś życzenie. Ukryty sens gniewu jest następujący: "Nie chcę tego, to powinno się zmienić. Bronię się przed tym". Gniew jest próbą odnalezienia równowagi na nowo.

 

Więcej w książce: Depresja - Huub Buijssen

 

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~Mariola 15:47:20 | 2015-05-25
mój mąż ma depresje zamknął się w sobie nie chce pojsc sie leczyc nie wiem co robić znalazłam ostatnio stronę z rendkami online chciała bym poczuc w koncu faceta.. http://www.datezone.com nie wiem co mam robić on w ogole nie chce dac sobie pomóc.. a tam tylu chętnych..

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~Magda 10:58:14 | 2015-04-13
U mnie było to tak, że prawie nasze małżeństwo by nieprzetrwało przez moją depresję ale poprosiliśmy o konsultację w internetowej poradni dla par Psychology of Life http://www.problemymalzenskie.com
Warto było, mój mąż zmienił podjście do mnie dziękuję

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~Milutka 13:01:02 | 2015-02-20
Miałam problemy zdrowotne - ciągłe przemęczenie i nerwowość, brak chęci i ogólna apatia. Wysłali mnie do psychologa, bo twierdzili że depresja.... przypadkiem trafiłam na dczegochoruje.info Okazalo sie, ze mam zawalony organizm toksynami i bakteriami. Nigdy nie mialam depresji, problem lezal zupelnie gdzie indziej. 

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~Aaccael#geaaick[AaffpfffFPf,2,4] 14:37:26 | 2014-12-29
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